Vote These 2017 Muni Folks Too!

Posted by Michael Zahara on Mar 29, 2017

<—Much happier times for Sheriff Lombardo (middle, pudgy, Wayne Newton looking fella) just two months ago at the MLK Parade where he and Ferris Buehler sang ‘Danke Shoen’ to now retired after 77 years, Metro Deputy Chief Gary Schofield, who once ran for sheriff and gave birth to Stavros Anthony and Bob Beers!

<—Few knew I actually went on a Hunger Strike for Gary Schofield (left) last year which excluded alcohol so I wouldn’t die or anything drastic like that for the Deputy Chief, I mean I can commit just as well as any other man can if its not too painful and doesn’t conflict with the NFL! 

I had asked Stavros Anthony if he remembered working with a guy named Gary Schofield and it took a minute (hour really!) cuz he’s getting older and he said he had heard the the name somewhere, possibly on workplace shitter-wall limericks and then Gary Schofield told me that, ‘I’m sure we never hired a Greek woman because they’re all named Athena and I’d remember that and you said it yourself Mike, wtf is a Stavros when we all know that all Greek guys are named Gus?

I wouldn’t be surprised to see DC Schofield’s name on a ballot again as early as 2018 and possibly enjoying my support and perhaps endorsement!—I know, can you even believe that?—because he’d proven to me that he’s a damn good Dad when he introduced me to his son and I asked the young man if he was interested in Law Enforcement as a career, he with flawless good manners said, ‘No sir’, which combined with what appeared in the thought-bubble above his head really said, ‘Ohhhh, hell no sir, Jesus H Christ, anything but a cop and assholes like you writing about me?  Dammit, why hasn’t my Dad popped you yet?’

More on DC Schofield in Sheriff Lombardo’s long delayed, many, many times rewritten Half-time Report coming up!


Thanks in advance to Las Vegas Ward 4 voters who will be re-electing Stavros Anthony as their City Councilman so that I can make him the Nevada GOP’s real 2018 candidate for Governor since everyone knows Adam Laxalt can’t win statewide ever again because he’s a putz and will never again get a single Dem crossover vote!

Then we’d all like to thank Michele Fiore (R-Whack-a-Doodle Falls) on her win for Ward 6 and finally ending the Ross Fuq-Up Family’s involvement in local politics and Burger King robberies.  Kelli’s alright and looks like everyone’s favorite lesbian PE Coach which works for Ward 6’s lesbian super-majority, but nowhere else–-but that Kelli and her husband Nelliedon’t see her candidacy as back-door circumventing of Term Limits, really is toxic for them both!

I really had hoped that Steve Ross would put his flabby ass up this year and run for NVDEMS’ State Chair to show that yes, he really is a Team Player with not much going on for him until he can find another office to run for and lose, but he couldn’t be bothered and now his old lady is going to lose to a ‘star’!

Note that I also said we’re all thanking Michele Fiore but that doesn’t mean you should be voting for her this time. I can’t support this Office-Shopping by her this time out but I don’t doubt that she’ll win either.  She abandoned her AD 04 constituents after working her bra right off her boobs trying to win them over which she did with savvy and aplomb and done with cool ideas like her home cooked Pasta Dinners at her home which today she can no longer even boil the water and make the pasta herself which was what made those first dinners so much fun to be a part of as she was cooking and serving and hosting; it was very Brooklyn, very Italian, very Americana!  That’s how Italians do it; I don’t recall any Italian women of the trillions I know, really ever sitting down and enjoying the meal with her family and guests which she began cooking on Wednesday for Sunday’s sit-down!

When boiling water for her Pasta Dinners became too arduous a task to bear for Michele Fiore, she started to cater in pasta boiled by others and her political fortunes began to tumble and that she still doesn’t see the direct link I’ve made here today tells us she still hasn’t hit bottom yet either!  Ward 6 is another backward step for Michele Fiore who hasn’t yet killed off her political brand by saying stupid-ass shit like: It’s OK to aim your firearm at cops if they aim at you first!

Please don’t ever do that!  This statement by me is for all the stupid-ass people out there who may have plans to do something that stupid-ass in nature!  This Fiore statement did a lot of damage to her and the blow-back was coming from the men and women who love the men and women of the LVMPD and other Cop Orgs—it was no less than reckless given Black Lives Matter was mowing down officers all over the country at the time.

I’m not going to defend Michele on a ‘context’ argument on this statement because she said this in May of 2016 quite on purpose and it wasn’t for votes in June of 2016, but much more likely a good ‘Foreplay with Firearms’ demand, Michele having dated Law Enforcement extensively in 93 of the 50 states, I think.  One guy was from what they call Metro here, and that was ‘unusual’ is as polite as I can be here!  Michele had credible and sizable ‘Cop’ support, LVMPD’s SWAT trained at her former home here, she sat on the Board, she’s a strong proponent of cops, but she also knows all of the knee-deep back office LE bullshit here and elsewhere.

Fiore’s crash and burn began with spectacular political risk-taking, hers was the play to be 2015’s Speaker and pulling it all together with just one more vote to secure but she imploded and thus began the Odyssey she took us on which would have her assigning any value at all to Cliven Bundy & Family who’ve never paid a dime while stealing from all of us over 20+ years and losing every court round afforded to him too.  Michele is nothing if not loyal and that is one of her very strongest traits despite her popping Sue Lowden’s last balloon, blowing Victoria Seaman way the fuq out into deep space, assisting in Danny Tarkanian’s latest defeat and yes, he’s back for 2018 (*&^%@#!) and ten bucks says he won’t change a damn thing or fire those little fuqrs who know how to cash his checks and that’s about it!  Danny’s in way over her head, no ideas at all, bubble-head Rep Jackie Rosen’s only hope of not being defeated on her first attempt to hold onto the seat Ellen Barre Spiegel should be sitting in today, but Harry Reid Inc dislikes her independence from the Dem Plantation and Safe Place, and never asked her to run!

After blowing her Speaker bid by having no patience at all to wait it out and giving to whomever anything they wished except the Speaker’s gavel, began Michele Fiore’s steep descent into successive pools of publicly bitchy bitterness where she blamed excessive government regulations for her business failing and her IRS problems which wasn’t true, she moved into a newer home, she didn’t say much when Orlandostan erupted in Muslim Maniac Mayhem at the Pulse Nightclub, and she didn’t think to go down there and offer ‘Bitches, don’t be little Bitches!: Michele Fiore’s Shooting Classes for Sissies’, was a now infamous HUGE missed opportunity right after her 2016 CD03 Primary loss to begin rebuilding her brand by teaching to gay men that being a victim is not a requirement of be a gay man in America!  

She surely would have met up with Geraldo Rivera, a fellow native New Yorker, but from the bat-shit crazy Progressive Extremist side of town, who said all of the right things but said them the wrong way upsetting the shit out of Progressive Extremist whiners, hand-wringers, and crying towel holders last summer!  There is a weak-kneed national movement to get gay men the firearms training that they clearly need far more than any Matthew Shepard Hate Crimes bill because what good is a Shepard bill when you’re already dead on the floor of a club in Orlando?  Michele’s Moms, Lil Fiore, a g*ddamn delight if there ever was one, also happens to be a card carrying, Home Depot shoppin’, sensible shoes wearin’ lesbian woman who also knows her way around a gun!  They’d have owned the Training Narrative last summer in Orlando had they been getting credible advice!

49 people died as victims of Islamic Terrorism in Orlando because gay men can’t find a side-arm which matches their shoes they’re going out in that evening and in the most ironic of twists, easily 90% of lesbians I’ve known have got guns all over the fuqn place but few gay men able to afford hiring a big honkin’ ‘Dyke with a Derringer’ to go out on the town for an evening, or are at all interested in learning how to bust a cap into muthafuka rather than becoming yet another victim and statistic.

Victoria Seaman lost to the most encumbered, entangled, and ensnared Democrat in a generation here whose overnight find at the bus stop is Aaron Ford’s great legacy, and could be an issue if Steve Wolfson can be convinced that the only person who likes Steve Sisolak is Steve Sisolak, and that no one in their right mind wants him in the Governor’s Mansion!  Victoria, despite being a Michele Fiore casualty, dusted herself off after her 2016 loss and did a really classy thing this cycle and hosted two separate fundraisers at her home for Bob Beers and then for Stavros Anthony!

I popped her a note the minute I got the invite!  Atta girl Victoria, that’s what one does when one loses and wishes to stay involved.  I honestly thought Michele would take a pass on 2017 because there is no way that she’s not going to attempt a 2018 Gov or Lt Gov run on the GOP ticket; she has to be on the statewide ballot in 2018 on her Redemption Tour and City Council will be yet another distraction, time-waster, and temp job until 2018 beckons!  I don’t recall if Michele Fiore has ever done back-office, grunt work, and fundraisers for other candidates because there’s 2 years of ‘Celebrity Politico Debris’ blocking my memory right now, so what Victoria did for Bob and Stavros stands out even more for me and many others!

<—Bad-ass and Tough Broad Chris Garvey the only choice in Ward 6!

For Ward 6, if I were a voter up there, I would cast my vote for Chris Garvey who has sat on the School Board since her 2008 win and is the most credible candidate of the many running up there.


Wherever former Commissioner Tom Collins may show up on a ballot, I’m with him having long believed that the Politcally Snooty like zoftig, super-heavyweight, WWF bouncer Anita Wood (D-Big Butt & Gut Estates) of North Las Vegas Ward 3 are too pretentious for voters; its all about her if you’ve ever listened to her drivel and I can’t think of a more ineffective person on the North Las Vegas City Council than Anita Wood who though her city is majority-minority, she insists that Fat White Women are an aggrieved group and a minority!

She’s ‘just awful’; that’s something she said about me once and I’m here to return the favor Ms Wood because you’re the poster-child here about the Democratic Party protecting its Fat White Women above all other groups and that’s finally beginning to end now that Harry Reid is retired and his toxic gone from the political marketplace.  Everywhere you turn in SoNev, White Women ace out Latino and Black representation!

Anita Wood (left) is a racist and she’s a bigot too and rather than have the city face a sure slap down by USDOJ’s Civil Rights Division for electing its Municipal Judge(s) ‘At-Large’, voted to just shit-can former Judge Ramsey’s seat but guess what, that’s a VRA violation too!

Tom Collins was expected to challenge John Lee but may be waiting for him to be indicted like everyone else up there is waiting for too!  Tom’s enthusiastically endorsed and everyone should vote for him!  John says elect him and this will be his final term and I’m calling bullshit on that unless he already knows he’s going to be indicted for something!


<—Most of our judges are pretty stubby little fuqrs with most coming in at around 4′ 8″ and that’s just the fellas, but Judge Heidi Almase further raised the bar and was voted ‘Best Legs’ in the LVRJ’s ‘Best of Vegas’ for the last 27 years in a row!

Judge Heidi Almase belongs on the District Court Bench she’s so damn good at Las Vegas Muni with her Mental Health initiatives.  She’s not lost her empathy and humanity up there and that’s noteworthy. Neither has Judge Cedric Kerns, also an innovator with Youth Offender at Las Vegas Muni and both are enthusiastically endorsed here!  That said, I agree with Ms Ellers to an extent and think that all of our state’s Muni benches should be 12 years and out and I hope that this will be Judge Kerns’ last run for this seat.

That said, both have drawn challengers who are a challenge to me as to why they chose to challenge either Almase or Kerns.  Robert Kurth (R-Knucklehead Heights) is running for the 367th time and sure to lose because he chose the wrong seat again and he hasn’t changed one damn thing about his approach in his previous 366 attempts.

Per the RJ the other day:  His (Kurth’s) mantra is: ‘tough on crime, respect your rights, protect families, do not legislate from the bench and protect the Constitution’.

Jesus Christ, wow, that is some deep-ass shit, huh?

Note to Self:  Check if Tick is secretly selling Weed to Judicial Impressionists like Robert Kurth!

Last time out, Kurth donated to Captain Larry Burn $5,000.00 for his sheriff’s race rather than spend that on the radio for his own race and drove around in an Army tank or Bradley Fighting Vehicle scaring the little old ladies who crapped in their girdles as he drove by!  It was one of the most amazing things I’d ever seen!  I suggested then that he should do his name on his signs in bright neon orange, ice blue, kelly green, hot pink… just so we’d finally notice his name somewhere and me telling to him that Brown is a lovely color for Hershey Bars and piles of shit, but is an exceptionally poor campaign color!

Robert Kurth, you’re making Regional and Hawaiian Treasure Johnny Jackson look bad and we can’t have that—you’ve got a bad case of Lawyer Dumb-ass-itis failing to observe your own races and spending—then remind me again that Politics at its core, is Marketng 101, and that if you want a better period, then you’d better build a better tampon!

Right?  Robert, where is your better tampon sir?

<—Crystal Eller’s ‘Boobies, Blue Eyes, & Burros’ 2017 Campaign!

Crystal Eller (D-Why didn’t you hire a female consultant?) has a nice big Vegas ass and she is a cutie who enjoys riding donkeys and burros around town which doesn’t inspire confidence that her old man is cleaning up all that donkey shit she’s leaving behind!  Well financed and her aesthetic is complimentary to her which never happens with Dave Thomas, so we’re concerned that Jennifer Barrier has already taken over Ops there instead of starting the long rumored ‘I’m Not Dave Consulting!’

<—David, Susan, and Holly Roger’s Austrian Nunny-to-Nanny from the Abbey, Cara Campbell, can’t sing for shit or she’d be doing it in her campaign already!  

This photo is the one they should have used on her outdoor media because its superior to the one they did use!

Ms Campbell, you are a very credible candidate and a bad ass Deputy District Attorney too who has scores of residents up at some place called Indian Springs saying, ‘I know, I really should hate that bitch for my getting 150 years for Jaywalking, right?’, which begs the natural follow up question: How much do the Rogers pay you to clean their house?

Cara Campbell against Almase and Eller against Kern is just bad strategizing.  Both declined a shot against Susan Roger.  Susan is Cara’s mentor, inspiration, and Cara is Susan’s cleaning lady, I think, so she said to me that she couldn’t run against someone with such a dirty house, OK, she gets a pass, but Crystal, sure Susan Roger would have smoked your ass big time, but you needed to go against a female to gauge your own message with voters this time out because I know Susan Roger is not spreading mule shit around town.  I’m also surprised Susan’s done so well at Muni and assume Holly’s in college now and hasn’t started offing liquor stores yet!  Muni still needs another judge in my view but that would discourage a complete reworking of Las Vegas Muni notorious today as a major cash generator for the City which runs rather counter to our Jail/Prison/Parole & Probation Industrial Complex reform dreams in Nevada!

Sidebar:  Former DA David Roger and I have become friends!—I know, can you even believe that?—We’re practically golfing buddies now!  Well, not really cuz if you ever see me on a golf course anywhere but the 19th Hole Bar area, know its not me and I’d been hacked!

David did become my Facebook friend though without telling me his old lady put up their Cleaning Lady for Vegas Muni Dept 3!  Then one Saturday doing my constitutional very near to where Judge Eric Goodman was attacked in the middle of the night by that Gangsta Girl Scout Troop, who should be walking by…and with donuts and coffee, and none of those nasty-ass plain cake ones either...well, that would be ‘the Cleaning Lady’ who was unaware that I’ve seen her do her shit at the RJC and I wasn’t sure that she knew of me and am still not sure until I thought of course she has to know that’s my picture still affixed to David Rogers’ dart board at home!  Oh, and when I was at LVPPA last fall, I couldn’t see that he even had a dart board with my pic on it there when I peeked into his office and rifled through his drawers and garbage cans!

Ms Campbell, hadn’t anyone told to you that you would be a very credible candidate for Clark County District Attorney and Nevada Attorney General or do you think that may have slipped Susan’s mind cuz she wants a ‘Lunch Buddy’ to go for the Chippendale’s Lunch-time Show with her?

I just don’t see with your credential and experience—that you’ve been dreaming about the glamour and excitement of our Vegas Muni Bench as the frosting on your little cupcake of a career choosing from the Swiffer fine family of not really cleaning anything products you’ve been short-sheeting the Rogers’ by using on their messy home!

<—Judge Heidi Almase also starred during 2015-2016 originating her Tony Award winning role of ‘Endora’ in the UNLV Theater production of ‘Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered’!

Mrs Campbell, stop hitting on me, I’m flattered, really, I am, but I’m an Almase Man through and through and have been since the very day that we met at the insistence of some guy down there, Sciscento something or other, ever hear of him?  Anyway, I’ve long been a strong proponent of our Judicials all needing to be challenged and I detest this back-door Judicial Lifetime Appointment via no challengers ever dare file, which is favored by no less than a guy Judge Almase is said to know who calls himself ‘the Judge-maker’ like he’s an Easy-Bake Oven barfing out judges ‘baked’ with a small light-bulb which is ironic, because most people (just me really!) say that he is about as bright as a small light-bulb too!

Ms Alamase is a friend since that first day too—I know, can you even believe that–David Roger and Heidi Almase ‘friends’ with me and all within the same lifetime?—and no one wishes to see Mrs Kurth widowed by my whacking her old man if you were to win Mrs Campbell, except possibly Mrs Kurth, who had to write the check for that g*ddamn tank!—so I’ve already arranged for your loss with a big ugly guy named Bruno and you’re going to tell everyone that this year was just a Trial Heat—pun intended—to test your name recognition, your generous GOP supporters, your ability to put the fear of God, His boy J-Man, and Mr & Judge Roger into GOP Putz-zilla, Adam Laxalt to stay put as Attorney General!

You see, ‘Mrs Campbell’, there’s a guy named Betty Lou Sisolak who wants to be the Governor and that’s just not going to be happening for him.  Then this Laxalt kid thinks he’s something special having pissed off every single Dem in Nevada on background checks which voters had just approved and though amusing, people in his orbit are just dying to end him and spend him dry!  Betty Lou had long ago accepted this too and a thought-bubble he had over his head, was said to have said Fuq it, I’ll just sue the County’s taxpayers again if I need cash or I’ll just start dating another Vegas whack-ass crazy bitch!

<—The beard scared me for years when he was my Councilman, then I grow my first beard while in the hospital to get over and past my irrational fear of any beard…so who then shaves his off and now has too much face?  

I’m blaming Jackie for everything!

Cara, Wouldn’t you love to see your boss, DA Steve Wolfson, and with a new non-judge-maker consultant too, be the Dem nominee for Gov in 2018, and then have the GOP put up Councilman Stavros Anthony as their nominee for Governor too?    I don’t do this ‘giddy thing’ too often so I’m not really sure if I’m even doing it correctly, but such a pairing would make me ‘giddy’ g*ddamnit!!

You see how nicely this works out for you too Cara?  Do you understand now how it was I earned my National Treasure status Mrs Campbell?  We fake your taking on Adam Laxalt initially, but then you announce to become the first female Clark County District Attorney as the real goal we keep on the Down Low for a time and until we coax Wolfson out of his office and down to file for Governor.

Cara, I want you to also consider that should lightning strike and you defeat one of the best Blue Collar Babes to ever come into political life here, you’d be sworn in and have to take an immediate leave and postpone to prosecute me for the unfortunate homicide of some guy named Robert Kurth—ever hear of him or see him driving up 4th Street in a tank during a Helldorado Parade?—for his draining away just enough votes!  Since my friend Jesus has already forgiven me, let’s not have you bring your ‘A’ game to court at my trial, OK Mrs Campbell?

Oh, and I’ve interspersed calling you Mrs Campbell here because I heard a woman hiding in the bushes near to where your unlicensed, non Health District compliant sweatshop coffee and donuts station was located, call you ‘Mrs Campbell’, and you are indeed Mrs Campbell, and that was very nice to hear you being addressed that way even if it was from the bushes at an ungodly hour of the morning!

You were a pleasant surprise this off-year season which I hope is our last and we fold local elections into the bigger County balloting.  I asked you first off why you hadn’t challenged Susan and though I didn’t catch you off-guard nor do I ever do that with anyone, you seemed to me to be pleased to answer the query and you did an outstanding job doing so!   Very nice work all morning ma’am!  I most definitely want to see you back and talk to you first and without our legal representatives or ‘Outfit’ muscle present!

Since I’ve already arranged for your first loss with Bruno who you will find a nice man, at first, but may find his insistence on French kissing you a bit much and he does have trouble disengaging from a hug too and you really don’t want to know how it is that I know this about him so I’m thanking you in advance for not asking.  I haven’t told Heidi this yet, but I think your race may be the only one we’re running on June 12th!

Now I have to prepare for getting to Judge Almase before she reads this so shhhhh!


Nope, we’re not doing Henderson until I get that long ago promised to me statue at City Hall!

Mike Zahara Siganture

Michael Zahara

A National Treasure!


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