Cocktails With Jesus Next Week!

Posted by Michael Zahara on Jan 26, 2016

Zahara & Jesus 2016 EGuess who’s back in fashion this week? Beer!  

The beverage and the local political icon minus the final ‘s’!  I actually drank me a Budweiser ICE this past week and if you ever see me doing that again, just haul off and punch me proper-like please!

I gots me some questions, sooooo, I decided to blow a call into His Boy since it’s been since July of 2014 that I got a column out of Him or His Dad also known as Him!  

That 2014 piece starred Undersheriff Kevin McMahill who is a guy I remember as being someone I know, who hasnt been seen since passing out from exhaustion New Years Day, and me with fan club membership too, and he who I may have cheer-lead to a nervous breakdown giving Assistant Sheriff Todd Fasulo the golden opp to take me out drinkin’ something better than that Budwesier ICE shit which is just awful beer-colored water.

Todd can’t you shoot ‘Bud ICE’ or something for us son?  Imna ask Jesus to Bless You toward that goal, OK?

Jesus & Zahara 2016 D I saw His picture on the Net and in the paper last month for His pagan b-day and He had that Euro-Jesus shit look I just don’t like on Him going on with the highlights and frosted tips of His hair as if from a Divine bottle of Prell which I still love the smell of since first smelling it on Mrs Waitts who lived next door in a different century and produced two of the best looking daughters in Human History too and a son who’s no slouch though 490lbs and unable to slouch.

That additional coloring in my own hair isn’t gray you bitch, it’s platinum people and it just stopped platinum-ing two years ago so it looks like I forgot to do the rest of my head like the new Metro PIO Sargent and my Pop had jet black hair and now he has a snow white gorgeous, full head of the Smell-a from the Prell-a while mowing the lawn with the snow-blower these days in DuPage County IL.

Jesus & Zahara WatchdogWag 2016 AOh, and my new rescue dog is named Jackson and I’ve got him in the Canine Witness Protection Program per Rocco’s advice too!  No pix forthcoming soon, though I can hint he does have four paws and smokes and drinks and carrys-on like a Frat Boy!

Come this time next year, I may actually get a serious Pulitzer Prize nod or three as my first Coloring Book is set to publish in New York (Yeah! spending royally those royalty checks right now!) followed by two others in the series, and then believe it or not, a person mentioned in the Local Grouping I’ve said I would love to write with, called my bluff and now wants two, medium-well, butterfly grilled, baked potato and a Whopper with Cheese!

Jesus & Zahara 2016 FI’m awaiting the Psyche Evaluation on that juicy writing prospect now and we’ll find out if Jesus is just jokin’ with me but holding the Triple-Pulitzer for last and best since He has pulled that kind of shit on me before!

And thank you Ted!!!

I was going to try for lunch with God, but He’s got the worst Goddamn Voice Prompt System and you’re on there for an eternity, but I’ve got His boy Jesus’s 17 cell-lines and his Top-Secret Super-Bowl Wagering line straight to Cicero/Melrose Park, Illinois and my old outfit Pizza Guy/Occasional Hit-man for 3+ upcoming, old friend little me, ‘Little Rocco’, who is the best bookie in the universe but managed to lose my 3 bucks betting on those goddamn Cardinals again and someone owes me 3 bux this past weekend and also disappointing co-National Treasure, my friend Linda Bateman-Gomez of Fountain Hills, AZ–at least her ISP is from there–who is the very best person I’ve met from AZ or anywhere else really come to think of it, and who just showed up here one day and doing something so nice for us and especially for me I haven’t told you about, even rounding Donald Trump’s edges for me and getting me a new condo at Trump Vegas through osmosis, my new next home in the next few weeks!

Linda Bateman-Gomez PR VP 2016

She and I spoke to the exact same Gift Shop employee there and asked and got the same question answered the same way about ‘the Donald’! she doesn’t yet know until reading this.  Linda is married to a big shot Plastic Surgeon, (Dr somebody or other little fuqr and damned lucky bastard!) she birthed a future Oscar Winning Actor, and is living at Trump Vegas with Ash, her son-in-law, which makes this former United Airlines Stewardess, not Flight Attendant whose son-in-law brought home the wrong girl it appears, and then while Linda was in Chicago, she was a Rush Street Groupie and FACES Alum with me too–she’s a new and ardent Opportunity Village supporter here near to Celine’s status now with her Lip Enhancement Enterprises too, while also knowing Local Treasure Ed Guthrie there too!

My Gal Pal Linda Gomez (Zahara)<–Linda, I love you dearly, but 60? 

My ass, quit playin’ now!

Damm, she’s good!  This is how it used to be done in America; go conquer a new community and make yourself part of it in every respect.  At home in AZ, she and the five kids raised 132,000 pounds of food one day cleaning out their bedrooms and all the pizza boxes under the beds, and they received the prestigious St Vincent DePaul Philanthropic Award for their efforts! 

We need people like Linda in Public Life and I’m finding an office to buy for her now in AZ or NV with proceeds from the book, I’m calling the Gideon Society Bible–catchy, huh?–they have laying all over the place.

Donald Trump and Michael Zahara hold the exact same view of Mrs Bateman-Gomez, though I am way hotter and way funnier than that little billionaire!

Jesus & Zahara 2016 CAnd just by simply asking her, she became the very first donation I brought to now Sheriff Lombardo, and we met face-to-face for the very first time at Origin India, with Sanje Sedera barred from trolling for rich, vulnerable Indian-America ladies who like little dicks on little pricks as well as 11 pygmy fingers and have cataracts too, for the night there,–where she then became an admirer and donor to Stavros Anthony at my behest too, and guess what?

She loves Bob Beers too!  That little fuqr!

Linda Gomez Zahara II<–I wanted Drinks with the J-Man to personally thank He and His Old Man for Mrs Bateman-Gomez!  Seeing US Politics through her eyes this year is my personal pleasure and her insights are rock-solid  for ‘an observer’ but regular GOP Stalwart voter!

I guess I am a Republican now on paper because Assemblyman Pat Hickey who routinely stalks me, stopped by to tell me he’s planning on invading Oregon for the Beers Family and for shitz and giggles too, once he retires out!

‘Little Rocco’ ain’t so little, he’s brilliant, a strategist and tactician and he’s living in Tampa after helping me and others resolve some stagnant issues and was here in 2012 at my request also and he developed the very best system to end Problem Neighbors at HOAs and though I suspect he may have been a part of some cases in Florida, Louisiana, Texas, and Illinois, cuz he really hates pizza, he has never been charged with a crime, no DNA, no prints, or even ever investigated in one either, and he’s like 200 years old!  When he passes, I may let you in on what he came up with and he’s healthy as a horse this morning btw!  No innocents were ever harmed, so don’t worry, only bad folks are his targets.

I’ll be asking the Lord about Hillary’s impending indictment per Tom Delay whose asshole should be so worn out from being prison ass-fuqd 40 times and hour by now–no one gives a shit what he says or thinks and root for him to Play Unsafely–in traffic!

I also need to hear from Him if Trump is just Divinely Inspired Sarcasm, of if he and Pop have a horse in this race since Steve Sebelius got so upset he extinguished his cigar in a rarely unfinished cocktail an stuck an actual dick in his orally fixated mouth. Now if it were Merv Griffin, that little fuqr would have upset the entire universe given that he’s reported to be dead per Tom Gallagher!

Jesus & Zahara 2016 BI’m picking up this tab so it will be Me & Jesus at Drais cuz no one will recognize Him there since their patrons never have been inside of a church and which I like a lot cuz its so close to Giada’s who I love and where I once loved its previous incarnation as a hotel as the best place to free-park on the Strip.

When any Resort admits they have video of the guy who just broke into your car from their 6,000 cameras per sq ft, then they can charge whatever they wish to park; still today, one of the biggest scams in Nevada are Strip Resorts lying every single day of the week that no one saw anything and there is no video on these Organized Rip-Off Cartels from Cali which is very often friends traveling en group from there to here in various cars, and then each robbing the others.

Twice in 2015 I eye-witnessed two brazen rip-offs...gave both victims the make, model, & plate of the offending crook’s cars, and both times, MGM Resorts said there was nothing they could do about it since there had been no tape…two more lies I physically pointed out to these victims and I hope they sued Pansy-Weight Jim Murren…whose wife Heather Murren, is still a bitch!


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Michael Zahara

A National Treasure & Pleasure!


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