Nicky’s Rise To Kardashian Stardom Shows Our Misplaced Values

Posted by Michael Zahara on Apr 8, 2016

Big Poppa 2013I loved all of my pets and still do.  They were all members of my family with full privileges and benefits inherent within.  My Shepard ‘Spunky’ was my first pet as well as my first rescue back home and he was from a local cop I knew very well who had waited too long to adopt him out and he wasn’t as cute then as he was as a puppy, and I said to him, ‘John, you’re an asshole’.

We couldn’t have pets when I was coming up cuz my sister was allergic, so I was in my early 20’s at the time of Spunky’s arrival into my life, though my place had been a flophouse for all sorts of animal pals who I tended to for others, none of them were mine and got to go home when it was time, Spunky was mine to keep though!

Spunky insisted on sitting on my lap on the drive home and though John and I are still friends, Spunky apparently knew that John was an asshole too!

kitty peril 2016 watchdogwagSpunky also believed himself to be a lapdog at 75lbs, so the ride home was a challenge for me while he was just having a good old time being all Spunky; he was fittingly named and I kept his name. He had a very scary mean bark on him, was fiercely protective of me, very easy to train being a Shepard and would come to work at the local bars I tended in the evenings too.  He wore a blue bandanna around his neck but I wasn’t ever entirely sure that if someone had intended to ever harm me and also had a steak in hand, that I wouldn’t be toast as he left me for my assailant’s tasty treat!

If he was interested is something else and you called to him, he’d look at you and determine his own interest in whatever you were asking him to do, then pretend he didn’t hear you, but would dash out the the back door when he heard a single potato chip fall onto the carpeting of a neighbor 2 blocks away!

a momma is a momma 2016 watchdogwagSpunky’s gig was that when he wanted to be petted, you had absolutely no choice in the matter and he would let anyone know that they were not anywhere near done petting him and he’d nudge his nose on ‘ya and sometimes even grab your hand gently and attempt to throw it back onto his neck.  He did this with my big Sis and would throw her a look like ‘Umm, lady, you’re not anywhere near done here!’ and she being afraid of big dogs, dutifully obeyed his ‘look’!

This damn fool dog just loved to be vacuumed in addition to my brushing his coat out and would sit by the closet door and wait for the vacuum cleaner to come out when I was done brushing him. Stupid me thought it would be fun to train him to get me a cold beer from the fridge, and he learned how to do so very quickly and we had lots of laughs at his abilities until one day I came home from work to find all kinds of shit on the kitchen floor as Spunky apparently had come to discover while fetching beers for me and my buddies, that this was the magical place where I also happened to keep lunch meat, cheese, roasts, steaks etc...and I installed a lock on the fridge that evening!

That little fuqr!

threesome 2016 watchdogwagWe spent 10 years together, were a great fit for one another, and everyone volunteered to watch him when I traveled for work which is why I return that favor done for me back home back then to people I know here still today!

Dogs have been in the news here a lot this year, and I am truly appalled at what occurred down in Boulder City; that crazy bitch at their pound being bad enough, and whomever hired her is where my investigation would start with their immediate termination, but I was incensed that good guy Chief Bill Conger was hung out to dry by a subordinate officer and then brutally excoriated by political-types all over Nevada, when Chief and Mrs Conger are two of our community’s most famous dog owners and lovers and Bill often being ordered by Alexia to sleep in the yard and their dogs in the house I joked often during the 2006 Sheriff’s race trying to get him to loosen up a bit!

What you people down there did to Chief Conger is reprehensible and everyone is in cover-up, shut-up mode now and still today, none of you are saying anything about who it was who hired that bat shit crazy bitch, was she even qualified, was she Mormon Comped in with no qualifications, someone’s relative patronage hire?  Yet the former Chief is the only one in Boulder City–perhaps the most corrupt city in Nevada today–who did the right thing resigning and he got charged with a misdemeanor today?

My, my!

DA Wolfson, I hope that you have assigned to this case your very best, most seasoned Investigators because if only 10% of what I’ve heard is going on down there is true, a number of people in Boulder City really are heading toward High Desert State Prison!


4 1 2016 WatchdogWagThen in an amazing turn of events even I’m not sure even I could have advised better Metro Media handling of, our new local hero Nicky from their K-9 Unit–gets himself all slashed up suffering severe lacerations in February and he’s all over the local news, then he goes viral, and well wishes are pouring in from around the world!  These animals are magnificent in performance of their duties and God gave to us the ability to domesticate and breed dogs to assist our own functioning and survival, but they are still animals and not humans wearing dog suits as some out there truly believe.

I once saw an idiot at McCarran pitching a huge bitch at the Delta counter we were both at, incensed that his Golden Retriever couldn’t board with him, didn’t even have a seat ticket for him, no kennel of course, and who wasn’t even a ‘Service Animal’ which has gotten so out of hand under the Americans With Disabilities Act over-interpretation and bastardization, people have completely lost their minds as to what the rest of us are supposed to ‘accommodate’ under the Act!

Regular riders know that there’s a whack ass, crazy bitch who rides the RTC buses with a g*ddamn stinky-ass monkey and regular readers know I have a number of issues with monkeys in general having had monkey shit thrown at me a number of times as a kid by Tim Tingle’s g*ddamn stinky-ass monkey which is why now retired LVMPDer Andrew Legrew became my personal hero a few years back too!

A number of issues caught me regarding Nicky and his handler Sgt Eric Kern who was way too close to his canine companion to make informed and rational decisions about his health and ability to continue on as K-9 Unit dog and his multiple poor decisions are why the dog was shot and killed.  That sounds very harsh, I’m sure, but consider:

Nicky suffered severe lacerations and injury on February 11, 2016 and was returned to duty less than a month later on March 8, 2016.  His body was in shock, he lost a lot of blood, he had two hours of surgery he was under strong anesthetic during, followed by pain-killers, analgesics and was 8 years old which is 56 years old in dog years and a year older than my soon to be 55!

Nicky was an old fart fuqr like me too! 

Had he been a human officer, or if let’s say Sheriff Lombardo got his ass-cheek grazed by some buckshot one day, he’d have had 946 weeks of Disability benefits time off, physical therapy, rehabilitation, and scar removal, followed by 5 years of light-duty and then another 6 weeks of ‘Shootin’ the Shit, Sloshin’ Coffee’ time, before he would have to pull a full 40 hours of real shift work!

It was Sgt Kerns’ own separation anxiety regarding Nicky which expedited Nicky’s return to duty when I think almost all of us thought he’d be retired or at least sent to Florida for Spring Break for a little R&R and butt sniffing while recuperating from February.

My Shepard was at 75 pounds and likely close in weight to Nicky’s and since K-9 officers insist on improperly humanizing their charges for us, let’s look at his weight to get a better hold of what his body went through in the February attack.  About 75lbs is what an average 3rd-grader would weigh, so if your 3rd grade kid was so severely injured, would you as a parent be at all comfortable him returning to his 3rd-grader duties in less than a month?

Nicky LVMPD RIP 2016Add to this that Nicky became an international celebrity–a K-9 Kardashian–after February with the publication of that gruesome gash across his snout which instantly engendered sympathy and empathy from all who saw it.  I regret to inform that our losing Officers Beck and Soldo did not come anywhere near to the level of public interest and international notoriety that losing Nicky did and that’s where our disconnect as a society and culture occurred here exacerbated by how K-9 officers have evolved over the years here and elsewhere.

I don’t attend the K-9 Trials here anymore because of the dressing down I saw one of our officers give to a little girl who was maybe 6 or 7 years old over her insistence about petting his pooch about 5 years ago and delivered as an ordered to her but which was really directed at her mother who his tone and tenor indicated she should have known better than to even ask such a stupid question and all but shouting to the world what a bad job of mothering she’d done so far!

The condescension dripping in his voice was obnoxious at best and would have resulted in a write-up if I were his superior officer.

About a half hour later, I saw the officer again and asked why the Unit didn’t have a retired dog or two when they’re out and about in PR mode for the Department so little kids could pet them and learn how important they are to cops etc…and he didn’t answer and looked at me like I was speaking Ancient Hebrew or something to him!

This is not how the Germans perfected this breed for police and military work, especially the Nazis who wanted Hitler to be able to ‘pet the pooch’ as it were–which is quite a bit different than ‘petting the Pretty Kitty!’–and to lap up his ice cream scoop when it fell out of the cone and make their Fuehrer Fuqr a silly and happy ‘lil ol’ Fuehrer Fuqr around their duty dogs!  Allied troops took a bit of time to realize that these dogs understood their commands in German, and once they spoke German to them, the dogs didn’t give a flying fuq about Allied or Axis and continued to perform for us when we learned what their commands were and how to deliver them in German to the dogs.

Kind of shoots down that stupid ‘one dog, one officer’ bullshit LVMPD K-9 and other units around the country peddle to the public, huh?

K-9, one of Metro’s ‘Elite Units’ has good solid officers and canine charges and performs super-well for us even outperforming LVMPD Vice as I exposed for you guys here once–but those little fuqrs are impervious to criticism and you can’t tell or suggest jack-shit to the humans within it! The problem is the officers, not the dogs, who begin to socially retreat and their human empathy begins to disintegrate—the very last thing we’d want to occur in any type of officer–and I’ve poked fun here at their very universally observable anti-social, anti-human qualities which dips their big toes into Lake Creepy Shit more often than not regarding these dogs!

We had a similar incident losing another dog in late 2012 or early 2013 if I recall correctly and which didn’t hit the media and that officer should have been sedated and sent off to be in-patient evaluated regarding his own fitness for duty, he so over-reacted ascribing super-human qualities and canine-equal-to-human officer reverence which really did creep a lot of Metro-types out back then.

Sgt Kerns also gravely misjudged the live situation and commanded Nicky into the situation which cost him his life because the perp was way too close to the dropped firearm and when he retrieved it and LVMPD opened fire, Nicky perished by Friendly Fire and Metro Media was agonizing very late to the gate admitting this is what happened when everyone instantly knew it could only have been Friendly Fire which dropped Nicky!

RIP Nicky 2016This pooch should have been retired out in February and then assigned to go on tour representing the K-9 Unit and the LVMPD given his age and the severity of his injuries, that he was not could only be blamed on Sgt Kerns who did not make decisions that were in the animal’s best interest but which served to vividly illustrate that some officers are far too inappropriately emotionally attached to even have a seat at the decision-making table when something like this may occur again in the future.

I’m sorry Sgt Kerns and I know you are hurting very badly today sir, but all of the errors and mistakes which resulted in the death of your canine partner Nicky are yours and yours alone sir.  Can you take this regrettable, preventable, tragic turn of events and study and research how we can do our K-9 better and which does not produce for some other officer down the line, what you’re going through today sir?

That we’re still interring these animals set off another round of whack ass, crazy shit people who were now demanding to attend Nicky’s funeral!  Can you even imagine the embarrassment the Department would have suffered had they been allowed to attend as their numbers would have likely far exceeded services for human officers like Beck and Soldo?

The photo of Nicky is his casket was atrocious and tasteless to me, but thousands were even more moved by all of this because of that picture yet there was no corresponding call for donations to Police Memorial Park, the K-9 Unit or any other fundraising effort of the LVMPD!

How about we change future protocols and cremate these treasured Partners in Policing and either inter their ashes at a mini-mausoleum at Memorial Park or even better, in the lobby of MLK?

If we do nothing, if we don’t take a very serious look at how wrong ‘one officer, one canine’ is for both the animals and the officers, as well as embark on better training and Communications protocols between K-9 Unit officers and other Metro officers because of the lessons learned on March 31st, we’re doomed to repeat the many errors in judgement which resulted in Nicky’s death and the greatest push-back against doing anything at all is certain to come from our K-9 Unit itself which is functionally unable to self-assess at Metro because they’re ‘Elite and Impervious’.

…and should that be allowed to continue from them, it would be a damn shame for what these animals contribute to our community!


Mike Zahara Siganture

Michael Zahara

A National Treasure!