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‘Just The Facts Ma’am’

Posted by Michael Zahara on Apr 13, 2016

Dragnet WatchdogWag 4 14 2016It’s a phrase so deeply ingrained now within the American lexicon. though his character is said to have never uttered those exact words on its radio or television incarnations. His show’s vision was so forward thinking and ahead of the curve, shows like Law and Order which runs around the clock on every channel around the world today and is still one of my favorites, borrows from and modernizes its iconic opening still today.

It was truly an American masterpiece and changed the American public’s perception of police work forever!

So effective was its reach, that the Los Angeles Police Department had to assign officers to take calls from citizens demanding that they could only speak with Detective Sgt Joe Friday about something they wished to relay to their police department; these PR expert officers begged off that Det Sgt Friday was ‘unavailable and working hard on another case’ well into the 1980’s, that’s more than a decade after its Prime Time TV run had ended in 1970.

MASH refuge Col Potter WatchdogWag 2016 DragnetIt lived on for many years in reruns across America and I’ll candidly admit I loved the film noir, pre-color, black and white filmed aspects of it even as a little kid.  It was real to me, but not scary, and I really loved how it ended with the perps in mugshot live repose bringing the story to conclusion.  I had trouble for a bit watching M*A*S*H and wondering wtf Ofc Bill Gannon, Joe Friday’s partner played by Colonel Potter aka Henry Morgan was doing in fuqn Korea with Alan Alda when he was supposed to be in LA fighting crime!

That little fuqr was cheating on Joe Friday with Alan Alda of all people!  Dammit!

The show was ‘Dragnet’ and when I embarked on my Shitty Cities Tours in 2013 & 2014 of SoCal shit-holes and spoke with of officers of the LAPD and the LA County Sheriff’s Office and observed them both, I was struck by how incredibly comfortable both department’s personnel are with ‘Media’.  Metro and its personnel could take a good lesson from their counterparts in Los Angeles!

Lombardo & McMahill 2016<–Undersheriff Kevin McMahill seen here driving Sheriff Joe Lombardo to a recent community event despite all the bullshit both men are going through trying to fight crime here after ass-wipe Chair Steve Sisolak slashed Metro with a machete while not touching other county entities and leaving us down 450 officers...and that stupid fuqr’s thinking he’s ever going to be Governor of Nevada?

Not gonna happen, period!

We’re not about to let you or the other 3 million Nevadans ever forget about your sociopath recklessness with our Public Safety and that of our visitors Chair Sisolak!

I spent a good part of yesterday afternoon with a young man I met who was studying his ass off trying to get into the next Academy in May and he’s bright and realistic and his expectations of Metro and of himself are right where they should be and we talked about ‘Media’ and how very different things are here as compared to his home town.  He came here last fall specifically wishing to become a cop here and he was very aware about how different things are here with regard to citizen behaviors in public and on our roads; that’s another good sign in his favor for making the grade here and being accepted into the next Academy.

Undersheriff Kevin McMahill & Sheriff Joe Lombardo Donut sale 2015<–Undersheriff Kevin McMahill was driving Sheriff Lombardo to a very rare half-priced Donut Sale, when both men spotted the even rarer street-walker hooker on East Harmon near Koval in 2015 just before Sheriff Lombardo installed the first Dunkin’ Donuts within the Office of Sheriff a few weeks later!

This young man’s ‘Awareness Abilities’ regarding the world around him caught my attention immediately and I cheered him on all afternoon to keep at it! We need young guys and gals like him here on our force because we had spent a lot of years extolling the glamour and excitement of becoming a cop here, then downplayed that this is a real city and county with really tough problems every department faces across the country while shows like Vegas Strip & Vegas Jail showed to the entire world that our community is just a bunch of total fuqs.  

Talk about mixed messages and I think these awful shows really did adversely effect recruiting and thankfully we’re approaching these young people more realistically and honestly today from what my new young friend had told me yesterday afternoon, and that’s another very good sign that Lombardo & McMahill have their noses into everything Department-wide attempting to change the internal culture and deliver a better, brighter LVMPD for all of us.

Metro is also experimenting with and testing better ways of reaching we the public and is getting better and better, yet I still don’t think Executive Officers are registering how important Media is to the very success or failure of their mission just yet–nothing is more important in the modern age–whereas in Los Angeles, their entire Department is fully aware that mastering Media is the whole ballgame and they learned well during OJ; more in the follow-up to this piece coming soon!

 Miss LAPD 2010 on the beach<–This woman I met on Long Beach during my Shitty Cities Tour of SoCal in 2014–Ms Valveeta Chardonnay-Shmoca Blunt–of Carson, CA, spends most of her days being so damn sexy and phine on Facebook, Black Planet, & Badoo–and told me she required $1,000 to take her photo and I paid her in chips from the old Sands here confident she has no idea we blew that fuqr up years back!

Wait’ll you see the naked ones!

The LVMPD has a mighty presence on Facebook, but still has not incorporated its own Facebook page onto a live window on the LVMPD.com homepage so citizen media consumers can read what the Department is putting out there daily without logging into their own Facebook accounts too.  This is important because almost all workplaces have banned Facebook worldwide and nothing on FB ‘spiders’ all over the World Wide Web with Facebook claiming it owns your pictures still today!

If you’re a Facebook only politician, you’ve probably noticed that you’ve left nothing on the Web for me to include in your Wing at the Smithsonian; that’s the fascist control FB has over your careers and lives!

Facebook inhales everything and everyone and doesn’t play nice in the sandbox.  They truly believe that they own you and all your FB friends’ information and can do what they please with it because you’ve all OK’d them doing so… and you folks on Facebook Messenger have been doubly fuqd because they now own all of your contact phone numbers too...and with your permission granted by you within the fine print no one ever reads!  

Police Departments, including our own, jumped right into this FB mess giving no consideration at all that their ‘followers’ private information is being bartered and bargained for a buck by the guys in Menlo Park!

Their platform is big, but its shrinking the way MySpace did, and no one knows what’s next which is why The WatchdogWag Project continues with Google because they dwarf all others and provide 94% of the entire world’s ‘searches’ today and it’s why you can find every photo here in their Google Images and every story I’ve written on the first page of their ‘search’ product…and its also why so many Europeans land here instead of at LVMPD.com too!

LVMPD WatchdogWag Great Idea 2016<--This is a terrific idea! 

If I could, I’d change the locks on him and not let him back into his office and have him out on tour, he’s really that good, but he doesn’t think so about himself!

I still don’t think Sheriff Lombardo is fully understanding just how powerful a presence on television in an ever changing Media Marketplace, he really is–he blows his hero Bill Young’s doors off!  I saw and heard this quality in him immediately the very day I met him, and its not his looks though that’s certainly helpful to him, it’s in his voice and his facial expressions and he really doesn’t have any idea how damn good he is no matter how bad he may think something went for him and there are ways to gauge this as a regular person too!

Close yours eyes when he’s speaking!  Seriously, but don’t do it at work if you’re an LVMPDer because he’ll think he’s putting you all to sleep instead of inspiring you!  I watched him hold strong command over a house full of Black-American citizens–who as a group, aren’t very well-known for being the shy, quiet types–at Harvey & Viviana Munford’s home late in the 2014 campaign and those in attendance weren’t being church-manners respectful to him, they were actually listening to him and he wasn’t registering that they were hanging on his every word!

That my friends, is power in the modern media age!  I’ve heard a couple of hundred really good voices over the years from Metro-types and we’re missing an opportunity to develop them out for the benefit of the department and the community it serves!

The Fuq WDW 2015<–It was the grown-up version at Harvey’s home of ‘tell me a story Daddy!’

The human voice is an incredibly power instrument and some vocal qualities sooth and salve the human ear and massage our audio sensory functions better than others.  It’s not something you can coach or practice, one either has it or they do not.  Sheriff Lombardo has ‘it’, he just doesn’t know he has ‘it’!  Undersheriff Kevin McMahill has a different quality as a passionate ‘every man’ speaker and relater of information; yet we’ve never seen these two men together in a Press Conference or in a sit-down interview setting and I wonder why not?

Maybe they’re the same guy?

ISIS Brussels and Nicky the K-9 dog provided a great opportunity to assess how media operates here and they’re collectively all over the place on everything daily as they were on both stories. This occurs because Editors aren’t the powerhouses they once were in both print and TV as their current ownership buys into more and more half-assed work being put out to satiate our never satisfied thirst to know everything about everyone absent fact-checking or comprehensive analysis.  It’s the primary reason we’re retaining absolutely nothing about what were reading and viewing today and this presents multiple problems for Public Safety officers and citizens consuming the information their departments are putting out there.

AS Todd Fasulo LVMPD Brussels 2016<–Showing more chins than a Chinese phone phone-book here, Assistant Sheriff Todd Fasulo’s media interaction regarding those little ISIS fuqrs and what they did to Brussels cuz they really hate their sprouts which makes them too gassy, was what bridged the local media’s poor effort at coverage that day and he did a good job!

AS Fasulo loves his Brussel Sprouts because he also loves to fart being one of Metro’s all-time Flatulence Friendly Farter Fuqrs!

The LVRJ on Brussels showed the cobbled together reality which is print media today with reporter Wes Juhl bridging facts gleaned from the wires, the Internet for more background, and then Assistant Sheriff Todd Fasulo’s live interview producing a barely acceptable final product for its on-line edition but not Pulitzer or du Pont Award worthy work.  They never corrected or polished their on-line piece and AS Fasulo’s part was the glue which held it together, so I popped him a note my thinking he had retired and forgotten to invite my to his retirement party, my being his new drinking buddy and all, I hadn’t seen him in so long.  Just because you had a shitty outing or two, doesn’t mean you hang it up; you’ve got to keep at it cuz the more you practice it, the better one gets and the public is amazingly forgiving, they just wish to develop a relationship with whomever they’re listening to and watching within the Media they are completely consumed by today.

Do you think retired Paula Francis just pulled all of that shit out of her ass one day and was Media ready as she exited the birth canal?

Just look at everyone around you right now, none of those little fuqrs are doing any work, they’re Jones-ing to check their devices!  My own main device went on a little adventure without me last month; that little fuqr, and I just about shit watching it having a good old time all over the g*d-damn valley via my Device Manager!

my galaxy S7 Edge WatchdogWag 2016Miss Thang Africa 2016 Zahara<–This little girl, a longtime Dawg reader in fuqn Nigeria who learned how to swear reading me for God’s sake, had the then new S7 Edge before anyone else in the whole world did…and she is seen here sending me another g*d-damn Selfie!

Our devices, laptops and Social Media haven’t made us smarter or brought us together, they’ve made us dumber and fascist, have driven us further apart and onto our own little islands of self-interest where we don’t have to engage others one-on-one or hear about things, ideas, or people we find unpleasant and unworthy of us.

With Nicky the K-9 pooch, TV media was insane following their proscribed ‘If it bleeds, it leads’ formula, even for a g*ddamn dog dying!  Jesus Christ we are messed up!  The print media was better, but followed the ‘Follow the Cobbled Together Yellow Brick Road’!  The LVRJ print edition was strong and powerful, but someone forgot to continue on the story lines on its on-line/device edition and only one outdated story was on my phone, though their print edition showed a terrific front page, giant picture of US McMahill and that guy’s face always tells the entire story, he’s such a regular, ‘non-elite; guy.  If you don’t know every stinkin’ detail about anything just by looking at McMahill’s face, then you’re really not paying close enough attention!

Metro’s PIO Team effort needs more work and to acknowledge that their mission is ever evolving too!  So I channeled Det Sgt Joe Friday and asked+what we could do and how to do it better in the Modern Media Age!

He was a little bit drunk, I think, cuz you can drink all day and all night long in Heaven and no one up there gives a rat’s ass!  He telepathically relayed the following to me:

Zahara WatchdogWag 2016‘…Hey Zahara, you little fuqr, you’re right, the very name PIO/Office of Public Information is so very 1949 and it has no relationship whatsoever to what the cops and civilians within it are doing for the Department today, does it?  I told those little muthafuqrs at the LAPD to modernize their bullshit in 1951 when my show moved from radio to TV…’

I’ve long been kicking around as the reigning King of Clark County, renaming ours:  Media & Community Information Services and have been stuck on whether or not to also include Government Affairs within it.

Here’s how Los Angeles does it today:


This is simply gorgeous work done for them!  The LAPD’s new website is very handsome and stylish, very easy to navigate, and it received raves from citizens and businesses for its ease of use and its very eye-appealing platforming.

It’s now the best and best looking police department website in the United States and it was designed and built as an on-going process and as a collaborative effort with input from commissioned and civilian personnel, their Police Commission, community groups and businesses, by a private-sector concern called RadarBlue.com and they in turn delivered a product in which any possible question you may want answered is within it!

tighty-whities-LVMPD Laura Metzger PIO<–This was my imagination’s vision version of PIO Ofc Laura Metzger showing off a pair of big girl drawers found in a department sedan!

Though they are far larger than us, just look at the personnel of rank they have under the direction of a Captain in LA!  We know about Carla Alston and Laura Metzger but neither has ever spoken on TV or radio that I’d ever heard and the rest of the crew at our PIO are good officers but we don’t ever get the chance to meet them in performance of their duties except for Sgt John Baker who assumed the duties of now retired Sgt John Sheehan who had been tending a very sick wife earlier this year and their respective TV appearances were/are a step in the right direction, but are so far, incomplete to date!

claims to be laura metzger<–This is what Ofc Metzger really looked like though and a nice reader who thought I had completely lost my mind (again) and sent it to me to make sure I knew what she looked like, unaware that I’m a smart-ass and was teasing and having some fun with her public invisibility!

Helping us become more aware is comprehensive undertaking and a redone and revamped LVMPD PIO effort is the major catalyst to affect this major overhaul in how we receive and process information the department conveys to we citizens, the media, and to the Political Class.  The latter would just as soon we keep doing things in a 1949 Det Sgt Joe Friday way though so that they can continue to starve Metro just enough to not call in CAYF and CPS in so that then they can pretend they had nothing to do with it!


In the follow-up pieces to this one, you’ll meet my friend Carter who is maybe 22 years old and works at my Speedee Mart on Ft Apache & Sahara and who possesses amazing ‘Awareness Abilities’ for his age, then how LAPD stumbled onto something that turned the tide of Public Opinion far more in their favor despite their many fuq-ups, and how simple, fun games and exercises can enhance anyone’s ‘Awareness Abilities’, even those of seasoned Detectives like Det Sgt Joe Friday!


Mike Zahara Siganture

Michael Zahara

A National Treasure!