The REAL Sheriff Joseph Lombardo Has Arrived!

Posted by Michael Zahara on Oct 20, 2017

No, I was never kidding about it and he’s always known that too.   I was concerned from the very moment when he first debuted publicly as ‘Neville Lombardo, the Pasty British Guy’ in 2014, and my first Thought Bubble was, ‘Hey stunad, who the Hell are you and what have you done with Lombardo?

I joked, I poked, I pissed, and I also puked a time or two knowing this effort of his to somehow civilize his Sheriffhood by turning British on us while also correcting all the Sins of the Sons of Italy’s Lombardia Region—and doing so while pretending there’s a Japanese Quarter anywhere in Italy—since he’s our first Italian-Japanese hybrid Sheriff here in Clark County was never going to work here because we have 65 active Cirque shows playing and most visitors are too wasted to know its the same stupid-ass show but with a different name at every venue!

<—-Sheriff Lombardo has now admitted that during the aftermath of the Jim Murren Mandalay Bay Massacre, he would catch a nap on ‘the ratty sofa’ in his office and its inconceivable to me that Joe Lombardo would ever associate with anything ‘ratty’ since when he was a Goodwill Industries Board member here, he insisted that our region’s downtrodden and homeless all dress in Armani!

Having never been invited to his office with him probably thinking I would ‘Ratty Sofa Shame’ him I’m sure, I chose instead to break into his Summerlin home and get you guys a pic of the sofa in his Family Room area and you know its authentic because Italian people are required by law to have Furniture Condoms on everything!

I guess you can see why he loves wearing olive green so much too!

He was also trying to shade and gauze his reputation as a smashed-mouthed bad ass cop—-a very bad idea because when a tidbit like that is out there and your doing your Neville impression instead, folks are going to be ‘wonderin’ ’boutchu’ as they say on Taylor Street back home.  For the record, I want to emphatically state right here and now that in any bar fight I may find myself in, I want JoeLo right there taking/blocking all the punches meant for me as I cheer his Damn Good Sheriffin’!

Finally, the veneer, stage make-up, and costume were removed and we got the Real Joe!  Welcome to Las Vegastan sir!

He has a temper and as I told him and all of you, so what?  This little Island of Misfit Toys in the desert we call home, needs to have a tough Sheriff Daddy who is comfortable conveying his displeasure when its clearly necessary that he/she must do so!  Yes, I did say ‘she’ too, cuz I believe our first female sheriff may already be on staff thanks to COH hiring its 2nd new female chief—more at another time!

It’s pretty hard to maintain his Neville Lombardo persona when idiots like Dina Titus and all the other politicians are looking and acting stupidly thus making it look to all of us watching like he actually invited these people to join him at these press conferences.

It’s inconcievable to me that Lombardo invited anyone.  So I thought maybe Assistant Sheriff Todd Fasulo was pulling that ‘Invitation to Join Us’ bullshit for the press conferences to the politicos, but that too is inconceivable from the the Department’s most Media Aware member!

<—Seriously, you all must know that he will do anything to find and destroy this pic before his Wing at the Smithsonian gets it because she lights up a room like a g*ddamn Christmas tree doesn’t she?

I’m confident he’s giving me no less than a dirty look and the finger right now if he’s reading and seeing this!

Imagine the phone call as I did:

‘…Hey Dee baby, this is your Big Cop Man Toddles, how’s my little Hillbilly Honey Bunch?  Say, we’ve got some bullshit over at Mandalay Bay and if you need some TV time to praddle on and on about all of your bullshit no one cares about, why-ncha come down and just stand there with us?   Sure, you an bring all your guns if you want!

Of course you can bring your magnum of Jack Daniels too, yes, we have ice and Coke hon we are Metro afterall!  Just put your coat over that nasty Granny Nightie thing you’ve been wearing since the 80’s cuz Wolfson’s here in his Bunny Slippers and Jesus fuqn Christ, Sisolak is here just pissin’ all of us the fuq off already and Joe won’t whack him even though he’s been stalking him for a fuqn year now!   If your arthritic, shaky trigger finger should somehow accidently slip when you’re here, I know I didn’t see shit, and your friend Chris G would be happier than a pig in shit!

Nope, AS Fasulo wasn’t inviting anyone either, I think these little fuqrs were just showing up at MLK cuz they have no locks on the doors cuz who would ever rob or ever come univited to a police headquarters on one of the safest streets in one of the most desirable neighborhoods in the entire valley in the middle of the night?

I’m not relaying this now to be unkind, or to pile on Joe, cuz I like Joe LombardoI know him and Guido Guys like him and know Italians very well having lost the most senior member of the Italian kinda Zahara’s at 88 last week, just as Sheriff Lombardo was beginning his Worst Press Conference in all of Human History!

It was magnificent it was so bad!  There it was for all to see and to listen to with Sheriff Vesuvius Lombardo wearing his JC Penny’s Gar-animals Coordinates olive green shirt with lighter puke green tie to match his lovely sofa at home, and then JoeLo’s going off on that female reporter who just wouldn’t shut up when ordered by him to do so!

Had Donna Lombardo been next to or visible and near to her Guido Guy husband, she’d have kicked that Reporter bitch’s ass badly first pushing Joe away from the podium saying to him, I got this honey so step back baby cuz Momma’s gonna fix this bitch up right!’, then turning to the Reporter going, ‘Wassamatta you huh?  You wanna piece a ‘dis, huh bitch, huh?’

My singular goal in life now is to be the head writer for the ABC After School Special on this one!

I was shouting at the TV rooting for him and a big chick fight between them which never materialized—-dammit!—-but which also reminded me and a bazillion others that JoeLo has no Poker Face and perhaps his best quality as sheriff is that he can’t lie for shit and it shows all over his face when he is talking of or about something he doesn’t want to chat about right then, or is being order by someone or something else like maybe God or Jesus, or maybe the FBI, MGM-Resorts Intl, or even more likely, the Nevada Resort Assoc?

<—I’ve had this meme in my files for more than three years waiting for the opportunity to drop it in for Uncle Joe!

All he’d done at his press conference was put on his hat and I was ecstatic for him and give him an ‘A+’ for letting Vesuvius come out for a little while being long overdue!

His body language as he came in and well before he started speaking was shouting to all of us that he was agitated and angry about something and that stupid and very obnoxious reporter became the flash point and ‘micro-aggression’—see I can use bullshit, invented, contrived phrases too!—onto which JoeLo unloaded—-finally–-and she also got the famed icy, steely glare too, so powerful it burned a hole in my coffee table though the TV!

The man absolutely required to be standing next to Sheriff Lombardo for every one of those press conferences who just couldn’t be bothered at all to be there and it was 8 days later he came out of seclusion at the Sands Expo where a show called IMEX had the big shots from the Trade Show and Exhibition Industrial Complex annual meeting the following morning.

That would be Human Garbage, Community Cancer & Pariah, MGM-Resorts’ International’s CEO and effete Arts major, not business man, James Murren, a longtime target of my intense derision and disdain here!  That the IMEX show is leaving Sands for Mandalay Bay next year had me considering if Sheldon is the phantom 2nd shooter or if he got his Mossad buddies and pulled a Manchurian Candidate with the psycho shooter!

Seriously, everything’s on the table with this case for me because nothing fits now three weeks later!  Most troubling for me is how the US Dept of Defense came to hold title to his aircraft when he never even served and if that may indicate he was an FBI informant or a covet agent or operative for any of the thousands of operations the government has all over the world.

To begin with, the major change in the unarmed Security Guard, Jesus Compos Story chain-of-his-events timeline resolved nothing because in the bigger picture of the entirety of the first-to-last shots fired time period, the 900 lb Gorilla-in-the-Room remains how this now under-contract, underpaid Renta-Eunuch Security Guard was dispatched to both the 6th and the 32nd floors of Mandalay Bay while Metro’s SWAT and other tactical officers were all over the place on the main floor self-organizing as they arrived down there.

There was organized chaos and a high level of dysfunction on the lobby floor and SWAT, always at the ready to take much deserved bows, fell silent.  Sheriff Lombardo changing the narrative and completely reversing the Compos story which was a week old and apparently not yet corrected by any LVMPD officer or even the FBI prior to JoeLo telling us that the new and improved story is that Compos was shot first and then the massacre below ensued!

And what makes this quick pivot change stink like a big ol’ pile of shit is that this was Pimp Jim Murren the following morning to IMEX:

“They have a job because of you. And without you, they don’t have a job,’’ Murren told the audience in a somber voice. “You are doing what you can do. You are coming here supporting this destination and helping those families take care of themselves.’’

<—-I hate this guy!  What a fuqn wienie!

I don’t know that I’ve ever read such condescending, paternalistic ‘Threat Shaming’ bullshit like this before.  That’s exactly what he was doing,  he was outright threatening these industry big shots to not hold him and his corporation at all responsible for the massacre or children and babies will die and people will be destitute and living in squalor in the streets, if they dare to hold him at all responsible!

…and how kind and thoughtful of Mr Compos and his new Work Husband to blow off 900 interviews last Thursday without telling a soul, then going back into seclusion again (and registered as a ‘Mr Gillespie’ in a shitty room facing the dumpsters Heather Murren paid for maybe?) but somehow finding time to fit ‘Ellen’ in yesterday after they’d taken a break counting their MGM-Resorts’ payoff cash said to be $100 counterfeit dollars and two free buffet comps at any Resort on the Strip except those owned by MGM-Resorts.

Ellen’ was just exceptionally poor advice almost certainly from R&R Partners to go to some Safe Place like ‘Ellen’s’ Vagina Hat and tug at America’s heart strings…and then declare that they’re never going to speak of this again to anyone!

His own horseshit Security Guard Union nationally reported him as ‘missing’ and sending the Net addicted into hyper-drive on Social Media!

Metro officers of rank and stature spoke with Compos, if not formally interviewed and debriefed him and took his statement, and this took a fuqn week to get to Sheriff Lombardo?  Metro officers of rank and stature encountered and interacted with him on the 32nd floor—the original narrative placed Mr Compos in the very protective big bosom of the entire LVMPD.—and ever since then too and it took a week to inform the sheriff?

<—Officer Brady Cook, 2 days on the fuqn job and already shot up and stealing police cruisers afterward has a great career ahead of him and will now never be without a date on his arm even at 96 years old at the Home for Old Cops in Boulder City!

Officer Cook, I have always wanted my own fire truck so when you’re back in working order, see what you can do for me cuz I have no idea how to hot wire a fire truck son!

With a good wind at your back you could spit on UMC from MLK.  Officers of any rank from any of Metro’s thousands of Wings—the Mormon Wing, the Christian Wing, the Old Fuqrs Wing, the Buffalo Wings, the Rookie Wing etc…would just pop into say ‘hey’, and ‘we’ve got your six and thanks’ to Jesus Compos.  Even shot up on his 2nd day on the job, really should have taken Accounting instead, Ofr Brady Cook, would mosey on down to Compos’s room to say ‘hey’ too!  He ‘stole’ a police sedan black and white to get to the hospital and that’s just bad ass!—and IAB is all good with that and most there were surprised he even brought it back!

Mr Compos, I wrote glowing of you in the previous piece I’m not taking down and which I still believe is much closer to the truth to what occurred that night than this new and improved version Sheriff Lombardo looks like he just pulled right out of his ass to make Jim Murren look like less of a colossal asshole we all know him to be in front of IMEX the next morning.  Murren was not crying his eyes out for the victims in his spouse’s boob job again, he was already conducting significant damage control via the major media in New York and Los Angeles and most of us now believe you to be Bought and Paid for by MGM-Resorts Intl because your misconduct since leaving the 32nd floor was no less than odd and unusual and I’ve called it peculiar and abnormal.

During your time at UMC, MGM-Resorts/Murren directed national background stories about how you now belong to a union, albeit a really shitty one, but neglecting to mention that 12 other company owned Resorts on the Strip treat you fellas like Spooge in a Kleenex!  

Another national news lap-slappin’ funny fairy tale told was how it was you weren’t armed and that it wasn’t because you’re Latino and they’re terrified of Latinos with guns, it was for yours and the guests’ ‘safety’ of all things!  Ain’t that a bitch Mr Compos, and a hairy ugly muthafuker in his drawers on the 32nd floor can have an arsenal and room service and you get 200 shots at ‘ya and can’t even touch Mrs Murren’s helium infused boobies!

Those fuqrs, huh Jesus?  Maybe you wanted to play with Mr Murren’s tiny little balls instead and that little fuqr denied you and after you had done for him! Regardless, you’re still a victim too and should not associate with any law firm of MGM-Resorts because those assholes will try to steer your matter to OSHA’s wonderful operations in Nevada or even worse, Nevada’s illustrious Worker’s Comp Catastrophe!

Just so you know Jesus, safety was never a consideration for disarming security guards across MGM-Resorts, but Liability was the only thing on their minds and they must buy insurance to cover their Liability exposures and that can be as much as $12, maybe $15 dollars a month thereby denying them profits and bonuses, so they very lovingly adopted Metro to do their heavy security on site for the price of the average dinner for two at their restaurants—$10,000 per year per each resort to any sheriff’s campaign—an additional bonus to the Resorts is that the LVMPD is ‘self-insured’ which means they don’t have to go out and buy insurance from those greedy, nasty bastard Insurer little fuqrs!

Clark County taxpayers pick up Metro’s Liability issues when officers are at fault, so its better for them if Metro kills one of their patrons since their employees don’t even have triggers to pull, seeing how nicely this works out for them yet Jesus?

I’m comfortable saying that you’re lying now and I hope the price was right for you.  The way you’d comported yourself on Ellen bought you no grace from me here either; just like Jim Murren at IMEX, you were acting a performance piece for us to swallow whole when you could have been looking at a damages award which could have conceivably exceeded 100 million dollars just to you if certain now former facts held up.

You see Mr Compos, there’s an electrronic record of that door being ajar and then another of someone dispatching you to investigate that, and there is an electronic time record of that too, both where it originated, and on your devices.  No one’s mentioned when it was that you received electronic orders to seek safety in the the stairwells because there was an active shooter at the resort because of course, MGM-Resorts has no such protocol, but scratch your nose at a blackjack table and they will tackle you to the ground and toss and bar you from the resort for signaling-by-nose-scratching cheating!  They knew they had a major event unfolding, they knew that you were up there somewhere, and they knew their Risk Management decisions not to arm you or to hire POST trained professional officers had you a sitting duck for a psycho, and they were all good with taking those risks with your life!   If they dispatched you up there after they knew they had an incident in progress, well now. that’s the question of the year worth many millions more to you Mr Compo that they just won’t answer!

Gives you the warm and fuzzies doesn’t it Jesus?

I’m telling you this because I just wanted you to know what a putrid piece of shit Jim Murren really is and why it is that of dozens of stories of heroics, your original story topped everyone else’s because you’re a civilian who was in the wrong place at the wrong time and by accident of happenstance and fate, shielded our local police officers from harm or death—that’s a place of great respect and reverence to everyone, everywhere who wears the star and not to ever be discarded or disregarded the depth and breadth of how they truly feel about regular people who come to their aid.

I would suggest you get your own counsel sir and to not lie under oath when the time comes and yes, it will come for you because Mr & Mrs Murren are such trash and vermin.  Jim Murren has turned heads and raised many eyebrows for his unusual conduct in a new stock scheme he and his Board concocted just last month which may already have the attention of the SEC, even the FBI, and institutional investors.

If you were listening closely to Sheriff Lombardo son, he was throwing to you lifelines to grab ahold of if you were compromised, threatened, or intimidated in any way whatsoever when he was telling us the story ‘may change again’that was your que Mr Compos that the sheriff is interested only in the truth and that he’ll take your call.

You’re 25 years old, dumb as a donut, and you have no idea the cesspool your very presence on the 32nd floor has thrown you into.  His duty is to you as the victim under the law and the oath he swore and despite appearance, lessening MGM-Resorts’ potential liabilities are of no interest to him or to our community as all of us now believe you’ve been rolled by them based on your bizzare conduct these past three weeks.


We also learned that Sheriff Lombardo was ‘having dinner  with friends’ at Sheldon’s Shack October 1st when the Burger King in Summerlin is just as good if not better really, than the one they we’re eating at the Venetian….and Mrs Lombardo not mentioned as being there and leading me to think she and Joe are no longer friends.

My wondering to myself—always a dangerous thing with me—why the sheriff was at the Venetian’s Burger King and my thinking it may have slipped his mind that he’s got a major OIS criminal trial coming up regarding Officer Lopera and which occurred at the very same Venetian and Lopera’s female partner that night never made available to the press and also never seen again!—perhaps she having been enrolled in the same clandestine Resort Witness Protection Program Jesus Compos appears to have graduated from…and with honors too!

Then JoeLo had choked and teared up and Kodacrome and Whack-Ass Crazy Bitch Addicted Steve Sisolak just happened to have the fat flabby, floppy, milky white and smelling like Dry Formula Secret Deodorant for Douchebags house-husband honey arms the sheriff fell into—–turning what was a live TV tender, in-touch-with-his ‘Kinder, Gentler Guido Guy Moment‘, into really bad German gay cop porn expected to debut on Pornhub soon despite making thousands of guests who’ve previewed it in our famed Fruit Loop Bars at Paradise & Naples, swear off dick for good! 

Total View and Pukes so far is 197,753 and only that one guy falling off the wagon and going back to dick.

That’s 197,753 to 1 JoeLo, so please consider our beloved Fruit Loop with no Fruit Loops!

<—This guy makes me and millions of others nauseous! 

I had to repress my urge to vomit watching him stalk Joe Lombardo’s press conferences to get some TV face time for his fat little face!

Don’t make me pull this car over, don’t make me come down there mister, because I will...and then I will kick your fuqn ass if I ever see you being comforted by Steve Sisolak ever again. Got that buster??   We all know he’s a pushy ‘moderate’ little bitch (ask Chris G!) though and if you’re cornered and brutally harassed again like that cuz he just wants to push up on you getting his perv on again believing you’re one of those Whack-ass Crazy Bitches he just loves dating so much, just have AS Fasulo run down to the Whore Supply Store and stock you up real good with the Heavy Black  Industrial Eyeliner and super clunky and really chunky mascara and when your tears start and he pulls you close and tight, bury your face into his shirt and just drag your tears across his shirts from pit-to-pit and back and forth as many times as you need to, then take his tie and blow your nose as hard as you can and blow out every snot you’ve got into it, and then hock up as many loogies as you can right onto his shirt!

Go ahead and wipe your ass with his shirt tail too if that’ll help you make all the awful pain go away sir!

I will start the MeToo effort for you then too bro!


Up next:  Who was fired for leaking the crime scene photos to the Media the Media has forgetten to follow up on?  Where was SWAT and what happened there with them? Where was Air Command? What did the shooter order from Room Service and did he tip well?  How many Putlizers am I getting for all of this work?


Mike Zahara Siganture
Michael Zahara

A National Treasure!