web analytics

Diamonds Among The Dogshit

Posted by Michael Zahara on Jun 12, 2018

This piece was supposed to launch Election Day morning morning but it got stuck until I unstuck it this morning and I decided to run it for you guy’s unedited because I was right on a few and wrong on a few too!

Biggest wrong was Laura Perkins, biggest right was Annie Black and Tom Roberts!


Thankfully, all is not lost in Nevadastan. We do have a number of good people running this cycle too!

<—Hair plugs?  Bet on it and that he made some apprentice kid paint them on his head is disputed by no one!

Although I fully support disbanding the Board of Regents and folding their duties into the Legislature because of their territorial bullshit and insistence on two research campuses when we can’t even graduate half our students at all, much less on time, while fewer and fewer professors are spending any time at all in the lecture hall or classroom these days preferring to chase EduCrat fame and fortune on our taxpayers’ backs, we do have a horse race  for Regent 1 and I’ve endorsed that little fuqr Jack Mallory, my former NVDEMS Eboard colleague from long ago who is the most thoughtful, well-considered, and reasoned person in SoNev leadership today leading folks who like to paint-by-numbers, love finger-painting, or doing watercolors during therapy or something like that!

<— This is horny teen Jack Mallory at some Union Thug School for Wicked Boys! 

Now he’s claiming that Lake Las Vegas replaced Subic Bay for the US Navy all thanks to his skills set!

Kidding of course, he is a big shot with the Painter’s Union here—IUPAT union local 159—and seems to have the inside edge for this seat too, but he’s running against one of my very favorite people in the whole state who sprung for breakfast very recently and Jack, that little sumbitch, never so much as threw a fuqn bagel at me when we were EBoard colleagues a dozen years ago, and she’s of course, Jo Cato, who I met during Cherchio’s first race in North Las Vegastan and instantly fell in political love with her while attempting to rescue her from the clutches of NLV’s pervy OG, Will Robinson Sr, who had his Old Guy eye on her and I told her to run as fast as she could in the other direction!  She was running against Richard for Shari Buck’s Ward 4 Council seat back then and I really liked her and her campaign livery and her good manners and her sharp mind too!—-and I still do!

I’ve hooked her up with my friend Linda Bateman Gomez who just breezed into my life four years ago and I see great synergies with these two dynamic women with thriving businesses based here!  We’re going to pick that up again after this election is settled!  Ms Cato also enjoys the financial support of former Commissioner Bruce Woodbury and he along with the Chairman of the Board of the Raiders who sent along a generous donation, are two terrific ‘gets’ for Jo and I’m ecstatic for her attracting these two fellas for her Regent race!

I’ve wondered out loud and will again here why Jack and Jo are not sitting on corporate Boards of Directors of our Gaming and Mining giants or our smaller big concerns here because both have the chops to be terrific Board of Directors members.

I’ve given her advice for all the time we’ve been friends and I see much bigger than Regent for Jo Cato and told her what office I see in her future and I hope that she does too now!  She’s run a great campaign and if its Laborers v Painters, she should win this, but Jack has sewn up all the other unions and then there’s Laura Perkins in the mix too and I don’t know the Local 872 guy Eddie Ramirez but everyone says that I do, so this race is loaded with future office holders but only one can win!

Low turnout and Jack wins, high turnout and Jo wins is how this looks to me tonight!  The announcement that another 4% increase in fees is on the way for students, just adds another log onto the fire for this highly dysfunctional, head-nodding, self-congratulatory and ineffective Board and I hope the winner breaks out and shakes the shit out of ’em!   The critical need for credible, consistent Reformers at Regents has been an equally critical shortcoming for all the years I have lived here and all who have sat there during my more than 17 years now,  have profoundly disappointed me because they all value above all else, the EduCrat Fiefdom Industrial Complex which flatters them all to ensure they all vote in lock-step for this clique or that bloc’s favorite pet projects!  I think that they’ve made major mistakes with the new Medical School down here by wedding it to the UMC/Valley campus footprint and to the ridiculous Light Rail proposal championed by the clueless Brookings West people living in a bubble somewhere other than Las Vegastan!

Diamonds are sparkling in Regent 1 and I’m very happy about that!   


Sarah Gazala is running for Senator Dean Heller’s seat and is a breath of fresh air in a stale at the top GOP this year, but appears to be going it alone and she may have struck pay dirt had dumb-ass Danny Tarkanian stayed in this race instead of messing up CD03 again for Republicans. Sarah’s a die-hard Trump fan, an educator, a Mom, and she doesn’t look like most Republicans and when I asked she just told me that she’s ‘mixed’!  Bravo Sarah, don’t get caught up in the Identity Politics racket, let folks know you’re ‘mixed nuts’ if they ask you, but move onto other things.

Ironically, Sarah shot for too high an office as a first-timer like Danny’s been doing in his Political Terrorism Tour now in its 9th year and he’ll lose again in November, he personally electing Dem Socialite 17 homes-owner Susie Lee, the very definition of ‘white privilege’ for our angst driven Progressives, but they’ll all vote for her anyway!  Gazala chose the US Senate in case voters were wishing to flush Dean Heller which isn’t as likely as Harry Reid Inc thinks—and she and the senator are fine—because the statewide Mormon Mafia will turn out for him Tuesday and in November too.  Come back in two years Sarah and chose an office which is a better fit and more achievable for you to win, and keep trying too.

Voters you interacted with liked you and found you appealing and that’s a great start!


GOPer Cherlyn Arrington is no newbie but she is a beautiful, regular, normal conservative Republican woman and she’s running a-put-together and polished effort for the Nevada Assembly District 21 and drew the first known faker and carpetbagger down there—a phony guy named Daro Atamian which sounds like a Tesla product fuq up to me too— he’s claiming his parent’s address as his own when he really resides at the other property listed in Assessor records

No one is going to outwork Ms Arrington and she’s spent her resources wisely and with thrift in mind!  Imagine that, a fiscally conservative campaign from a fiscal conservative which I am old enough to remember when all Republicans except Nelson Rockefeller were fiscally conservative!  I met her a dozen years back at one of Chuck Muth’s old Stoney’s get togethers and she caught my attention by not fearing my questions and working the room and me like a pro.  She will win her  2018 GOP Primary and gets to take on Dem Ozzie Fumo who’s lost a lot of  points with me folding to Local 872 after they publicly humiliated him over the stadium in his inaugural race.

Ms Arrington versus Mr Fumo could be the marquee race in the Assembly this year!


Former Assistant Sheriff Tom Roberts woke up one morning last year and just decided he wanted to be a Republican in the Nevada Assembly—the lower chamber and most definitely the shittier of the two bodies up there and as an added bonus, he gets to rub Maggie Carlton’s nasty gnarly feet too— so I suspect someone hit him in the head with a 2×4 again and I just chose to believe what he was telling me while he was explaining the ‘real reason’ he up and retired while admitting sheepishly that I may have been the one hit in the head with that 2×4.

That poor 2×4 turned into sawdust if I recall correctly.

<—He doesn’t look like much at all does he?

Oh, and the guy on the right is former Assistant Sheriff Tom Roberts!

Stupid me took my sweet time getting to know Tom Roberts and I even joined the ‘Next, Next Sheriffs Association’ having been personally told by someone I admire who hadn’t previously fibbed to me with a big fat lie, that Tom Roberts will be not our ‘next, next sheriff’, but our NEXT sheriff!  If Sheriff Lombardo should suddenly drop dead or be indicted in the pending Vice Scandal, we now have no Metro back bench with Assistant Sheriff Todd Fasulo and Tom Roberts exiting within the same timeframe-a very first for the LVMPD to have two of such high ranking departing together—say ‘hello’ to Sheriff-elect Brett Zimmerman cuz I will be double-dipped in shit and breathing fire like Godzilla—if unearned, undeserved, infamous wife-beating now Asst Sheriff of Fuq, Charles Hank III, moves anywhere else besides going to  prison.

Naturally, both Roberts and Fasulo are being gossiped about in LE circles in Nevadastan and in Washington DC, as being the  ‘fall guys’ for Murren’s Mandalay Bay Massacre here, and which is unfair to both men, cuz it was Lombardo who hired Paddock to ensure his 2018 re-election, but appearances count for almost everything at today’s Metro in that now classic LVMPD fuq-up where somehow St Jesus of Campos lead his Metro Janitor’s Sniper Squad taking 70 minutes to reach and breach Stephen Paddock’s door.

I’ll keep an eye out for you guys to see if I can find out what’s really up and I suspect Tom Roberts is cheating on we here in Las Vegastan and with Renotucky of all places!


<—I mean seriously, doesn’t now retired Metro Deputy Chief Matt McCarthy reinforce for all the haters out there, every single known Lesbian stereotype of Earth Shoes, Birkenstocks in every color for every event, quality flannel shirts and nightgowns, bad-ass tool belt, USMC high and tight haircut, filthy mouth, 12 Domestic Violence priors just with the last girlfriend?

Then jumping into another Assembly race—AD23—is now former Metro Deputy Chief Matt McCarthy who decided to do a #MeToo quickie retirement after suffering years of Sheriff Doug Gillespie’s unwanted advances and countless invitations to share a bowl of Count Chocula while watching cartoons wearing his He-Man undies with the drapes drawn in his office etc…. Sure Matt is a Same-Sex oriented guy and that’s nothing special at Metro which is Nevada’s Largest Gay Bar and ‘It’s Raining Men’ Gay Guy’s Spa on MLK at 49 million sq feet just for the dance floor, since just a few hours after our achieving Statehood.  I told Matt to become a Lesbian instead because Law Enforcement has never had any of those kind of  women on forces anywhere in the world, and of course Trannies are sooooo HOT right now, but McCarthy said no to both!

I’ve been having a lot of fun laughing at and with Matthew for a few years now because I can’t imagine the fun he’s had laughing at all of the homo-eroticism just in Doug Gillespie’s office and with Metro having enough same-sex oriented officers that they could field complete replacement squads for both Henderson and North Las Vegas’s entire forces, just from the men and women over at our own Convention Center Area Command! 

We’re using Same-Sex oriented here rather than ‘gay’ because the word ‘gay’ is so freakin’ gay that no same-sexer would ever use it for any reason!

McCarthy would prefer being known for and that I shout out his swarthy good looks, charisma, and bald-headed machismo, I am not at all sure about this claim though cuz I just made it up and I’m lying like crazy trying to stir up some laughs because that’s the best way to herald Metro’s first openly gay man on its force unless you’re also counting retired and quite manly, Lieutenant Karen Hughes, as an openly gay man too, since she damn near broke my hand shaking it meeting me at the old IAB on West Charleston…and which is why I always wear my giant foam #1 finger prosthetic you guys always see me in and which makes it very hard for me to shake hands and give someone the finger—-damn that Karen Hughes bitch!!!!

Like Tom Roberts, Matt McCarthy didn’t give me a heads up that he wishes to be in the minority party within the shitty body and within the Hillbilly Northern Sector of our state which some Nevadans are trying to sell cheaply at the flea market to Oregon, which needs many more quality hillbillies but just doesn’t know it yet!  I swear I just did a drive by of his site because I seem to have in my mind Boulder City was it???, and McCarthy drawing a challenger in his Primary with the surname of Leavitt, the ‘Mormon Privilege’ name here except to other Mormons!

In 2010, I even legally changed my name to Leavitt Zahara and I don’t think Matt knew how to read back then and I know he didn’t know me yet:


Chief McCarthy sir-–you little fuqr!—I can tell a well-hidden DV victim cry for hope and help when I see and hear one and you know that Department rules are to be Very Down Low about everything in every situation for the rest of your life and if someone asks you about anything, just tell them you’re Canadian, and those little fuqrs should get the hint and leave you alone for good!


…and I fully expected you to be assigned as Metro’s In-House Hair-Stylist/Florist after Douglas retired in tears Matt, he confiding to me that he let all those OIS’s happen just to ensure that those gang-bangers got quality flowers at their funerals and he worked on those arrangements secretly in Metro’s basement floral design Lab at the old Tower which is the real reason we never got around to what was it, 11.5 million Rape Kits?  Shhhhhhh, let’s keep THAT on the Down Low too Matt because I think USDOJ may also have your tormentor Douglas in their sites along with Sheriff Lombardo.

Our Douglas was a psychopath with a heart?  Who knew that and didn’t send to me that memo Chief McCarthy?

Bubie, why didn’t you come to me, call me, email me that you’d been bitten by the Political Bug-–which you certainly know by now is like having Tourista badly, as well as normal daily ‘Cop Shit’ explosive diarrhea with a side order of super burning hot asshole for days afterward?  Sure you fell in love with AD 23, sure you did,  and all those Bikers coming here that one week per year—yawn stretch, scratch my balls, hit the Snooze again!

Seriously Matthew, how long did it take you to date through the ‘quality fellas’ in Hell’s Angels during Bike Week in Laughlin Chief McCarthy?  Two years tops?

You don’t give a rat’s ass about that 23rd Assembly District, cuz you’re telegraphing to all of us as you’re smiling through your tears over a race you didn’t want but will win, that you’ve been Jonesing Big Time to be our NEXT Sheriff and that you’d wanted to be the next sheriff  here this year too!  Dammit, I am good arent I?   

Look Matt, you and I both know Sheriff Lombardo will score an historic win tonight at maybe 70+%—and though Ralph Lamb ensured that he or any other sheriff would never be required to resign if/when they’re indicted—this will make Sheriff Lombardo’s legacy complete as his being America’s Gangsta Sheriff  to compliment our NFL Gangstas and Gamblers!

Of course our next Clark County Sheriff is to be and has to be a Same-Sex oriented cop who owns nothing chic, trendy, pretentious, insufferable, and nothing Designer this or that either. Its like you’re almost our first Amish Gay Sheriff too Chief McCarthy because you’re so dull  and un-gay a Same Sexer!  McMahill has to be appointed temp sheriff—and he’s wtf gayer than you are—until the next Election because those were my orders this morning as King of Klark Kounty. Joe will not complete his second term because those are the requirements to get the only days away from arriving in South Summerlin like Ringling Bros used to do, the Nephi  Oliva and his Gypsy Farm Encampment of thousands off of Sheriff & Mrs Lombardo’s front lawn!

I won Final Jeopardy correctly guessing for Alex that it will take 297 years—year 2315, for Metro to have its first female sheriff though she will be born a boy— 297 years from now we’re all going to have interchangeable ‘parts is parts’ where only at our beloved Green Door can one do this today!  First Latino sheriff, umm, that will be the day after Hell freezes over, same for our First Viet Cong Sheriff, though our first Somalian Sheriff will ‘identify’ as a Tranny and that will occur in the year 2036-–just 18 years of Identity Politics away according to my buddies God and His boy Jesus!

No female Asst Sheriffs ever, no female US or sheriff ever, No Latino AS, US or Sheriff either but you Matt, a non-gay Same Sex oriented officer rising so far so fast as you had, can only mean Todd Fasulo left Metro to rethink that whole Hetero Guido Guy thing and wants to try the dating thing…with you sir!  Go  ahead sir and let Toddles be the woman, and your little 450lbs bundle of layer upon layer of lasagna noodle lovin’. woman!


Oh, and there’s yet another Metro guy, a Captain known a ‘Fletch’ to his dog and that weird guy with the eye thing on his block and I don’t know him but am cheering him on to win too because AS Tom Roberts did give me a credible story about his wishing to affect LE Lobbying in Carson City and LEOs generally make very good Legislators all around the county but closer to the stinky people out there, don’t generally do well on City Councils or mayoralty with the possible exception of Stavros Anthony here but his not knowing he’s on the Vegas City Council so Shhhhh don’t ever tell him!

All three running  as Republicans for the Nevada Assembly?  This must be some kind of penance you three are doing so let’s get all three of you on the BDR to end the Resorts from buying Metro as their very own and limit their donations to one per publicly traded company, not one per each property as has been the case since Frankie Sue lost her mind.  The another BDR having the legislature granting by legal decree to the Clark County Sheriff to also have and use a new second title: Police Commissioner of Las Vegastan and SoNev which is something I suggested to Joseph the last time he ran, but who used it as kindling to burn down Nephie Oliva’s local homes this cycle and I promise you’ll be hearing a lot from Mr Olivia.


And finally, I missed seeing Christine Kramer, Erin Bilbray Kohn, and Andrew Martin on my Primary ballot not because I agree with these three’s views necessarily, but because at another time in my life, I was able to craft nifty ways of neutralizing some of their type of Activism from veering too far to the Left of the planet Neptune again!  I love the three of you but that none of you’ve noticed HRC to sent Chris G a lock of Gary Gray’s hair—his pubic hair—to remind everyone that she owns DNC Chair Tom Perez, the entire DNC, and every employee and each donor too but none of you liking this new, while being older than even Harry Reid, Super-Duper Delegate Plan.

Again and she’s counting on you Far Lefties to have a shit attack something fierce, thus making her look and sound normal to most!

In writing to Chris G, she even used the word ‘Progressive’ for the very first time in her life since she doesn’t know what the word even means…I’m telling ‘youse guys’ she’s running for President again and not in her native Russia either!

Christine, you’ve done some of your best writing championing for Amy and as the Primary got closer and closer, I put you on political suicide watch your disdain for Steven spoken like a professional political woman, dry, lifeless, monotone—damn, that was great reading!  You are aware that wit and intellect are a capital offense here so I’m telling everyone that you’re Socialite Susie Lee!  Andrew, your angst this year broke all previous records and you too needed to be on a ballot like Bilbray and Kramer….you three let an 847 year old blind bitch push you around and I’m not having that anymore from you three!

You got that ladies and Andrew?

Erin knows I saw her running for the Crybaby Brager seat and winning it by beating my other friend now formerly of the District and cruising to a City Council race win in Mesquite this cycle—she’s Annie Black, the good Black family member we all love but don’t yet know it—she’s been a favorite of mine since meeting her running for John Hammbrick’s current Assembly seat back in 2010 and losing that race as well as being suffocated by Michelle Fiore who sucked the life out of every room she entered running for the shot at shooting Rochelle-y Berkley that year.

<—-‘Annie the Good’ Black family member!

She’s the ‘good’ Black family member cuz her cuzzo is Tisha Black who I’ve never met, who announced for the Brager seat when she was in high school, I think, and who I haven’t heard a single good thing about her since she announced!   ‘The female Dario’ was one of the better name-calling names sent to me, but the word ‘bitch’ used more by all of her many, many, many, many enemies than any other.

Tisha wins Tuesday night and in November too having given Uncle Harry $10,000 and a blow job for his birthday doing her Erin Kenny impression!



Mike Zahara Siganture

Michael Zahara

A National Treasure!