Sgt Sammy Schmutz of the LVMPD

Posted by Michael Zahara on Jul 21, 2018

I’m going to begin with Sgt Schmutz because his rank is not Sergeant, nor is his surname Schmutz, but he and I met the morning after Jim Murren’s Mandalay Bay Massacre when I went down there to butt-in and boss people around and throw my weight around as King of Clark County.  He caught my attention because he was doing non-traditional police work and he had schmutz all over his face and uniform and I found that to be unacceptable.


schmutz  SHmo͝ots/


North Americaninformal
  1. dirt or a similar unpleasant substance.
    “these handy wipes are always close by for swiping schmutz off my shoes, or cleaning up coffee spills”


It came out the other day that at least one Metro black and white was reported stolen during the chaos but I didn’t steal shit and was just fuqing with officers to see if they were paying attention.  I moved maybe a dozen cruisers and SUV’s but left most of them parked and running in front of fire hydrants and in crosswalks and handicapped parking spaces parked sideways all over the valley, except that one which spontaneously caught fire and the Arab-looking fella I took to the airport from Hooters who thought I was his Uber driver, was reported to Homeland Security by me cuz I voluntarily blamed him for the burning wreckage.

I’m nothing if not a concerned, involved in my community, National Treasure and God-Damned Delight at my core!


‘Son, you’ve got schmutz all over your face, some guy clock you?’, I began

‘No sir!’, he replied

‘Well cup your hands and I’ll pour some of this free bottled watered into them and you can splash it on your face and get that schmutz off of it’, I said.  ‘We’ve got enuf paper towels here to get you the best whore bath ever taken on the Strip too!’

He didn’t know what schmutz was or what a whore bath was either and I thought maybe a rookie two weeks on the force tops but would learn through our back and forth that I was wrong.

‘Younger sir, schmutz  is any kind of bullshit that shouldn’t be there—it’s a Yiddish word and I’m guessing you’re not Yiddish and neither am I! 

If I hadn’t come to your aid son, you were about 4 or 5 minutes away from every female within 600 miles of here running to aid and comfort you cuz you had a bad-ass minor dried blood smear from your nose up your cheek and trust me, you wouldn’t want that kind of raw, horny female rampage to overwhelm you son!’, I lectured to him like a father and County King and benevolent potentate!

‘No sir, my wife wouldn’t approve of that!’, he said.

‘Oh, so you’re a newlywed and still care what your wife thinks, that’s sweet?’, I shot back.

Wiping his hands and face with the third roll of paper towels by now, he paused a sec and showed me his wedding band which was showroom new and I thought newlywed married maybe two weeks tops and through our continued back and forth, I would learn that I was wrong again!

‘So I’m guessing she also wouldn’t approve of your marital dating either and know son, that they never do until you’re in your 40’s!’, I said

Still no laugh or even a smile from him—dammit!… so I brought out the big guns!

‘Well, looks like we won’t need to be buying any paper towels or bottle water at my house for more than a year, huh? 

I’m gonna load my car up with all this cool free shit so toss me the keys to your black and white and I’ll load what I can’t fit into my ride into yours…and if your shift Sergeant says anything, just tell him if you’ve learned anything at Metro so far, it’s always bring back enough for your Sergeant too!’

That got a big laugh outta him!  Success!


I don’t ordinarily go around interrupting cops doing their cop shit but he was working by himself and the first word which came to my mind was ‘industrious’.  The blood on his uniform indicated he was one of the many unsung from that night who was doing exemplary triage work and this largely untold story of the LVMPD was truly their best work as a force that night too.  So many of the officers on duty that night were among our newest officers cuz it was 2200 on a Sunday night and more veteran cops are unusually sawing wood at home at that late weekend hour—and the younger officers were far outperforming their more senior officers having been more recently trained and at the ready to do triage which is something that none of us really expect that our men and women cops can do.

‘Our youngsters are really knocking it out, say something about that Mike’, said a very familiar face who I ran into as soon as I got down there the morning of the 2nd and he’s another reasonSgt Schmutz’ caught my attention shortly afterward.  It’s taken me ten months to write about this cuz though he told me a lot of stuff about that night and about himself, but I failed to tell him I write this little dog and pony show for shitz and giggles cuz I was too busy trying to get him to laugh and get that schmutz off of his face!


I don’t blindside anybody—especially copsand didn’t want him to feel that I had done that to him.  We ran into each other by chance late this past spring and we exchanged numbers and emails and I fessed up about The WatchdogWag Project! 

It was very good to see him schmutz-free and smiling…and happy to see me!

‘I thought you were some kind of old comedian I never heard of or saw before; thank you for informing me about the schmutz sir and for breaking the tension with your silly efforts too sir!’, he said to me last May!

That dear readers is the nicest thing any cop has ever said to me!

‘Oh, so you think I’m old, huh?  Don’t worry son, I won’t tell McMahill that it was your suggestion that I take all those paper towel rolls and cases of water, let’s just keep that between us!’ I responded.

‘Oh, you know Captain McMahill sir?’, he said

‘Well, yes I do, and I was there when she sang some song none of us had ever heard of at Take Back The City at Cashman a few years ago and she had all of us crying our eyes out our ears hurt so badly, but you go ahead and tell her that you’d get married all over again just to hear her sing at your 2nd wedding and you’ll make Captain in no time son!’,  I said.

‘Officer, I started, I understand that there’s McMahillsall over the place down there and I did get the briefing that Colorado has ordered them all to never return there, but I was referring to that skinny guy who also must call her ‘Ma’am’, what’s his name, Devon, Heaven, Kevin or something like that?

He used to be a big shot down there, I think!’, I continued.

‘Why didn’t you tell me that you know Undersheriff and Captain McMahill before, I would have laughed at your jokes a lot sooner and a lot harder that morning sir?‘, he said to me.

‘Because its really not as exciting and glamorous as one would think knowing those two, so like everyone else in town, I just kind of down-low it and hope no one finds out, so don’t even ask cuz Kevin doesn’t do autographs anymore and ‘Ma’am’ will do them, but only if you publicly admirer her singing…and her accordion playing too!’, I said

‘Forget mentioning you love her playing the Polish Piano and she’ll end your career boy!’, I continued


I wrote about Sgt Schmutz today because its a good story after truly shitty week of conduct by Jim Murren and his MGM Resorts suing their victims in federal court here and in California trying to get out of their responsibility and liability for the James Murren Mandalay Bay Massacre.  With only ten days left in the month and Metro’s report promised before then and the FBI’s right after that, it promises be an agonizing big pile of lies conclusion to summer in Las Vegastan.

The Fake News of the Clarksen Twins, and Ofc Cordell Hendrex and his rookie trainee who should both be fired, along with Veronica Hartfield willingly and willfully committing Fallen Officer Death Benefit Fraud now, is only going to get worse as the lies multiply and the scores of regular duty officers doing outstanding work on 10/1-2/2017 are forgotten about already.

Good job young man and it was my pleasure meeting you and shouting you out then and again today!

Coming up!:  Ofc Jacinto Rivera ‘Officer of the Year 2017-2018’ and he has no idea why I bestowed this honor upon him either!


Mike Zahara Siganture
Michael Zahara

‘A National Treasure!’

‘A God-damned Delight!’







‘Aren’t I adorable?’